Marital rape in a Christian home? I am beyond shocked.
Marital rape can happen in a variety of ways, some not even through physical force but through the twisted use of religion.
I’m sure you know where I am going at here.
You know what sickens me most? Using religion as a form of psychological control. There are so many stories of false teachers (cults, etc.), even lay people, who deliberately twist scripture to gain an advantage in whatever circumstance they have. They take scripture out of context to prey on trusting victims and con them off their money, sense of dignity, self-respect, you name it.
In the Book of Ephesians, there is this line that states “Wives submit to your husbands” (verse 22).
For the longest time, this line has bothered me. Scripture was supposed to protect both parties and not only cater to the male demographic. Some misinformed males jump right in on that verse and think that they can get away with anything at home.
Wives and Husbands
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesian 5:21-33)
So, wives (and wives-to-be), let me tell you this: The man is to care and love your body as he is supposed to care and love his. You are to be “without stain, wrinkle, blemish, but holy and blameless”. There are no exceptions.
Once, I heard a Christian guy mention something as a joke: “Woman, submit!” (similar to that of a trainer who teaches his dog to sit, stay or play dead). Also, another married friend mentioned to me that she doesn’t say no to her husband because it’s “not allowed”. So she gives in even if she doesn’t feel like doing it.
Being misinformed or not really knowing what scripture says can be dangerous. The mere thought of it makes me want to throw up.
The thing with marriage is that everything is a gamble. You will never know what your potential spouse’s character is like unless both of you live under one roof.
So what is the gauge? Are there any red flags single women should be looking at to protect themselves?
Personally, temperament has been one for me. Find out how he gets angry. Ask yourself, is he domineering? Controlling? Test him. Push him once in a while and get a reaction from him. If you have to date him for years, do so! It’s best to be informed and knowledgeable of what you’re getting into than regret everything in the end.
Besides, don’t you think your life and future is worth the careful “choosing”?
Other than that tip, I’m all ears.