Category Archives: Marriage

Crowns and Cows

Women who try so hard to earn their place through showing loyalty and working for free… Oftentimes, having to return sexual favors, co-habit or earn a man’s trust before he will actually marry her. Or sometimes, in the work place, to render more hours or wear numerous hats just because she can…

As a woman, one can bring so much to the table: the strength of her feminity, interpersonal skills and eye for detail are just some of what she can contribute, an educated and enterprising woman, more so! The skill set, years of experience and the value of their network is something most women take for granted.

I would have to agree to some some associates who brazenly stated: “Why pay for the cow if I get the milk for free?”

Harsh, yes. But there is truth to that statement.

Women get to be marginalized, their values compromised because they conciously choose to. They let these things happen because inately are desperate for approval, friendship, commitment, loyalty, and yes, the all enduring word…love.

There is this agony to make a significance in her work, the life of her partner, children… so that in the end, she won’t be shelved/discarded/abandoned because her worth and value have been proven, established…

All at a painful price: Her youth, her beauty, her years, her life. She is destined to live her life centered around her partner, her children, her work…because without them, she’s non-existent. Worthless. Invisible.

Notice that there are more and more women who find holding the “Busy badge” as some sort of trophy, or in this case, validation for saying: “I’m such a busy wife/mother/professional/business owner/etc… all of this, is all me. Finally, I am worth while.”

Busy doesn’t necessarily equate to productive nor significant.

“Busy” also begs the question: Where do you find your worth? Do you find your self-worth in the temporary? You can be doing multiple things all at the same time, you can be productive, sure. Hats off to you. But what if all of these are gone? What if you lost your work, heaven forbid, your spouse, children, family? What would you have as a woman? When all of these things gone, does your identity go with it?

Nothing is farther from the truth.

A woman doesn’t have to compromise who she is. She doesn’t have to replace her identity with the identity of her profession or relationships. She doesn’t have to “strive”. A woman was created by our Loving Father to “just be”. His grand design is for her to be the “crown”. Woman is His beauty incarnate. Diamonds need not force its beauty to someone who can’t see it.

The same principle applies to male-female relationships. A good man would be the one to do the pursuing. Allow him to ‘man up’ to the role. Just be. Unfortunately today, that role is reversed at very unhealthy consequences.

He will compromise your values, use you sexually/physically, emotionally/psychologically, (even financially…lucky guy!) and, as an afterthought, would probably marry you because, like a good girl, you’ve “earned it” (and besides, he needs someone who can look after him/his business/his children/his interests, his, his, his, his…etc. long after he’s gone. You’ve done it for free from the beginning, why should he start paying now? Insert cow reference here.)

The woman was his investment. He knows this. She just didn’t get full price for her “investment value”.

Can he be blamed? Not at all. Everything boils down to the woman.

In this world, a woman needs to earn her place, may it be a corporate title, or a place in a relationship. And even if she earned it, she still has to constantly prove she’s worth all that she’s striven for. She isn’t supposed to be pursued. She is commodity. Replaceable. Disposable.

So much for the grand design.

Gay Marriage in Ireland Opens More Questions Than Answers

Ireland is now a country that has officially legalized gay marriage. With an astounding landslide win of 1,201,607 YES votes, the country has, apparently, become a vanguard of social change.

According to a BBC report, the reason behind this social revolution is because most gay couples would like the ‘status’ that comes with being married. Now that the proposal has been passed, a marriage between two people of the same sex will have the same status under the Irish constitution as a marriage between a man and a woman. They will be recognized as a family and be entitled to the constitutional protection for families.

Ireland is the first country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage through a popular vote. Same-sex marriage is now legal in 20 countries worldwide.

The NO Votes

In a separate statement, Diarmuid Martin, the archbishop of Dublin, personally voted “No” arguing that gay rights should be respected “without changing the definition of marriage”. In one opposition commercial, it said “You should be able to have reservations about gay marriage without being called a homophobe”. 

There were 734,300 who voted NO to Gay Marriage.

Implications ~ What does this mean for Catholic countries the world over? The concept of marriage, which originally was for heterosexual relationships has now become admissible for homosexual relationships. What does this mean for the very foundation of marriage? 

This mandate has only opened a can of worms. Bringing about more questions for families (not to mention children who will be growing up in households where Daddy-Daddy / Mommy-Mommy are one and the same). Now that the marriage ideal has been blurred, we are now opening the floodgates of how modern marriages should be recognized. The historical passing of this law in Ireland will rock the very foundations of marriage and families the world over. Whether it is “for better or worse”, only time can tell.  

Beautiful in His Eyes – A Happy Panda Shares Her Story

Do you still remember the entry I did on How to Heal a Broken Heart?

Well, guess what? The people I dedicated that entry to are doing well and are on their way to recovery. All through His Grace.

It’s amazing what happened that day. You’ll never really know how He works but He does indeed change lives. He offers the gift of love: A love that is real, full and freeing.

Please make sure to read the full entry from my friend. She has an amazing story to tell: A story of heartbreak, restoration and finally, redemption.

This entry is about her and the many others whose hearts have been broken and have come back, whole and beautiful. You can read her full story here: Darn Beautiful in His Eyes

 

Restoration of Israel

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, Bring her into the wilderness And speak kindly to her.”

Hosea 2:14

How does one heal a broken heart?

How does one get over a loss? How can life be any sweeter than before? Moving on, easier said than done. Some take it one day at a time. Others defer to self help books. While others plan. Plan a life ahead, planning for the unknown. Or some start getting busy. Busy for no one and nothing in particular. Will any of these make any difference?

What once was a picture perfectly painted in your head was simply a dream. You feel alone in this struggle. Unable to look people straight in the eyes. You no longer find delight in what once was a happy memory for you or life for that matter. Despite the smile, there is deep aching sadness in those eyes. Simply because behind those eyes is a human being. Made up of desires, hope and dreams. Risking and giving their hearts to fellow flawed human beings who don’t know how to take care of such fragile and pure hearts.

My dear, you have got to understand, some just can’t simply handle such responsibility.

Now, picking up the pieces or maybe what was left of you. Bruised. Torn. Shaken. Forever scarred. It’s amazing how some can smile despite so much pain.

It is never wise to pin your hopes on man. Man is fickle. The Lord, enduring.

How can you give comfort to those who have lost a child? Or lost who they thought was the love of their life? How can words be any comfort, if it is any at all?

How does one heal a broken heart?

The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry. The face of the Lord is against evildoers, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. The righteous cry, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:15-18


May the link below also bring you comfort as I have found it to be:
God’s Pathway to Brokenness

Playing House

Last night, I had dinner with a friend. We touched on a variety of topics, one of which was living -in and marriage.

Cohabitation/live-in is similar to playing house but without the integrity of marriage. Both parties are given the freedom to leave whenever they want since neither are bound by the responsibility and commitment of marriage.

He mentioned that he would want to live-in with the woman first before marrying her. From this set-up, he says that he would get an idea of who she was at home, her habits, compatibility in all areas of their personalities, tastes, likes, etc.

All valid points.

But notice that his argument focuses on the “Me” part. How can you explain to someone that relationships most especially marriage is never about the “me”, it’s always about the other person?

He mentions that there are more divorces in Christian marriages. He even smirked a bit when I mentioned that I know of a couple who shared their first kiss on the altar. He actually thought it was hilarious!

During the discussion, I could not find the right words to explain that marriage and love is a decision. It is never about trial and error, as what cohabitation espouses. You own that decision and never back out from it. Marriage was designed by the Lord to protect both parties. Men and women have specific roles in marriage which the cohabitation set-up will never define. Cohabitation is always the easiest, more convenient and practical way; marriage requires you to put in the hard work. And if both people are psychologically mature for marriage, they would focus less on self-gratification but more on serving their partners.

Couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect. Women are more likely to view cohabitation as a step toward marriage, while men are more likely to see it as a way to test a relationship or postpone commitment, and this gender asymmetry is associated with negative interactions and lower levels of commitment even after the relationship progresses to marriage.”

And here’s the BOMB: “One thing men and women do agree on, however, is that their standards for a live-in partner are lower than they are for a spouse.” (Source: New York Times)

Ouch.

But whether we like it or not, cohabitation is here to stay.

The author finally adds: “I am not for or against living together, but I am for young adults knowing that, far from safeguarding against divorce and unhappiness, moving in with someone can increase your chances of making a mistake — or of spending too much time on a mistake. A mentor of mine used to say, “The best time to work on someone’s marriage is before he or she has one,” and in our era, that may mean before cohabitation.

After my dinner with this friend, I called up one of my girl friends and mentioned my questions, she simply said: “As human beings, we want to feel loved and SECURE in our relationships. The live in set-up can never give the woman (and man) that”.

She adds: “For people who think otherwise are fooling themselves. It is a defense mechanism and their ego talking. We all want stability and security. If your live in situation doesn’t work, and then you jump to the next relationship, it will be a never ending cycle, till your wasted away and your best years given to a variety of people who never imagined you worthy to be called their spouse”.

Love and security: Such simple words that hold so much gravity in a human being’s psyche. Marriage was designed to be a testament of that love and security.

If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently.
You shield it and protect it.
You never abuse it.
You don’t expose it to the elements.
You don’t make it common or ordinary.
If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new.
It becomes special because you have made it so,
and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by.