Category Archives: Woman

Taylor, you’re not alone.

You know why the disgust is on a whole new level?

It’s close to pimping.

Taylor Swift’s masters are her whole career. Her ‘body’ of work.

Then there are these types of men.

They make money from it.

They pimp it.

They try to control you, by controlling ‘it’.

— All without having to do the ‘work’ themselves.

The industry varies, but these ‘types’ do exist.

Toxic masculinity exists and yes, it transcends the workplace.

As a creative and as a woman, I’ve had my share of encountering men such as these. Disgusted, yes. But no longer surprised.

Yet thankfully, not all men are like the ones we’ve met in our careers and in our personal lives. In fact, it was best that you met them early on. Hopefully, you’ll know the signs even before you make that professional or romantic commitment.

Just letting you know: I’ve been there, I hear you and I stand with you. #IstandwithTaylorSwift

Advertisements

Why Margaux (Mocha) Uson has my support

11 May 2017 – Among the many appointees of PRRD, Margaux ‘Mocha’ Uson is one of those controversial people in the Duterte team I would like to see kicked out. For the longest time, I have questioned (and even scorned) her presence in Malacanang.

Now that she is officially part of the team, instead of annoyance, I have become immensely curious as to her background and I am glad I followed that curiosity. There is so much more to this woman than meets the eye.

Uson may not be as eloquent, politically-correct and diplomatic as the rest of us, but similar to PRRD, she is plain spoken and straightforward. Despite the rough edges, I believe there is genuine character within that appalling faux-leather jacket she always wears. (Come on Mocha, it’s the middle of the Philippine summer!)

She maybe a feminist’s worst nightmare (with her connection to the entertainment industry as a sexy dancer while branding herself as a sex therapist to her many (male) online followers), but what is intriguing about her is the unresolved murder of her father, Judge Oscar Uson of Pangasinan.

Like any grieving daughter, Uson wants justice. Justice that has fallen on deaf ears since President Arroyo’s term, right until Rodrigo Duterte came along. In her unsophisticated mind, she believes that a man like Duterte can end criminality in this country. Her faith on such a man is endearing, and her only redeeming quality, despite the sexy image. To a certain degree, she has come to represent the common Filipino who thirsts for justice. It is through her fervor to support Duterte that she may actually give voice to the typical Juan, and eventually, reach a government that has long ignored the plight of the poor.

However, may I caution the lovely lady who holds such a critical role in our government: man is capricious and changeable. No man is perfect and that includes Mr. Duterte (and his cabinet). Supporting a particular person’s cause is completely different from blind worship. Margaux, I hope you find that balance between effective public service and painting a true picture of our current government. Your communications role is pivotal in helping shape a free press this country is staunchly known for.

As far as her salary goes, and I want this made perfectly clear, money shouldn’t even be an issue! In this day and age, why is the woman’s salary even being questioned in the first place? Why is her salary being made public when salaries like Martin Andanar’s isn’t? It’s appalling how the media and netizens would stir so much controversy about her salary yet don’t extend the same treatment to her male colleagues.

Being a taxpayer, I have no qualms of giving Mocha a part of that tax money – on the caveat that she does her job honestly and well. And given that argument, I expect the same kind of work ethic from Andanar, et al., An honest public servant who works hard should fit the salary they receive, regardless of gender.

For the time being, I am reserving my judgements and let Margaux prove herself. The sexy starlet Mocha Uson is gone. I look forward to what Margaux Uson, the woman, has to contribute to our country’s public affairs.

-end-

Crowns and Cows

Women who try so hard to earn their place through showing loyalty and working for free… Oftentimes, having to return sexual favors, co-habit or earn a man’s trust before he will actually marry her. Or sometimes, in the work place, to render more hours or wear numerous hats just because she can…

As a woman, one can bring so much to the table: the strength of her feminity, interpersonal skills and eye for detail are just some of what she can contribute, an educated and enterprising woman, more so! The skill set, years of experience and the value of their network is something most women take for granted.

I would have to agree to some some associates who brazenly stated: “Why pay for the cow if I get the milk for free?”

Harsh, yes. But there is truth to that statement.

Women get to be marginalized, their values compromised because they conciously choose to. They let these things happen because inately are desperate for approval, friendship, commitment, loyalty, and yes, the all enduring word…love.

There is this agony to make a significance in her work, the life of her partner, children… so that in the end, she won’t be shelved/discarded/abandoned because her worth and value have been proven, established…

All at a painful price: Her youth, her beauty, her years, her life. She is destined to live her life centered around her partner, her children, her work…because without them, she’s non-existent. Worthless. Invisible.

Notice that there are more and more women who find holding the “Busy badge” as some sort of trophy, or in this case, validation for saying: “I’m such a busy wife/mother/professional/business owner/etc… all of this, is all me. Finally, I am worth while.”

Busy doesn’t necessarily equate to productive nor significant.

“Busy” also begs the question: Where do you find your worth? Do you find your self-worth in the temporary? You can be doing multiple things all at the same time, you can be productive, sure. Hats off to you. But what if all of these are gone? What if you lost your work, heaven forbid, your spouse, children, family? What would you have as a woman? When all of these things gone, does your identity go with it?

Nothing is farther from the truth.

A woman doesn’t have to compromise who she is. She doesn’t have to replace her identity with the identity of her profession or relationships. She doesn’t have to “strive”. A woman was created by our Loving Father to “just be”. His grand design is for her to be the “crown”. Woman is His beauty incarnate. Diamonds need not force its beauty to someone who can’t see it.

The same principle applies to male-female relationships. A good man would be the one to do the pursuing. Allow him to ‘man up’ to the role. Just be. Unfortunately today, that role is reversed at very unhealthy consequences.

He will compromise your values, use you sexually/physically, emotionally/psychologically, (even financially…lucky guy!) and, as an afterthought, would probably marry you because, like a good girl, you’ve “earned it” (and besides, he needs someone who can look after him/his business/his children/his interests, his, his, his, his…etc. long after he’s gone. You’ve done it for free from the beginning, why should he start paying now? Insert cow reference here.)

The woman was his investment. He knows this. She just didn’t get full price for her “investment value”.

Can he be blamed? Not at all. Everything boils down to the woman.

In this world, a woman needs to earn her place, may it be a corporate title, or a place in a relationship. And even if she earned it, she still has to constantly prove she’s worth all that she’s striven for. She isn’t supposed to be pursued. She is commodity. Replaceable. Disposable.

So much for the grand design.

Ariana Grande: The New Face of the Young Feminist

I immensely enjoyed the feminist-charged open letter music star Ariana Grande made on social media. Apparently, the singer/actress has had it with the double standard women are still experiencing to this day.

arianna grande feminist rampage
Ariana Grande’s open letter on social media.

This standard, as she points out in her letter, is the significant disparity women are (knowingly or unknowingly) being thrown at today such as: sex, dating, relationships, and being valued as men’s property/conquest/trophy. She mentioned that she has so much better things to talk about other than who she’s seeing (or not seeing). At only 21, this young woman who is rising as one of the most watched out artists of her generation, is on the right track to empowering herself (and consequently, her young female fans as well). Brava Ariana!

For a woman who is much older than Ms. Grande, I’m glad that younger women today are beginning to sense that one-sidedness and becoming vocal about it. I applaud her for bringing her thoughts out into the open. However, young as she is, she has more to learn from her much experienced sisters. With that said, I would like to take the time to point out her seemingly contradicting letter vis-a-vis her current professional situation.

In an industry where sex sells, Ms. Grande will have to take a firm stand against the kind of lyrics that degrade women. In her recent hit ‘Love me Harder’, you would know immediately that this was a love song. However, there are ‘love songs’ and there are ‘love-making songs’:

“And if in the moment you bite your lip
When I get you moaning you know it’s real
Can you feel the pressure between your hips?
I’ll make it feel like the first time…”
– ‘Love me Harder’, Ariana Grande

From the lyrics above, the listener of the song immediately gets a mental picture of what the song is about. In my humblest opinion, if she were really adamant in battling this double standard, then her principles should reflect in her work as well. The young Ms. Grande should go beyond what normally ‘sells’ in her workplace.

In this day and age, there are still so many female singers who continue to make songs that sexually degrade both women and men. With young female artists like Grande who are now perceptive to that kindle of consciousness, they will be setting the tone for the kind of music young people will be listening to years ahead, which eventually translates to future culture.

I’ll try to cut her some slack on her lyrical choices for now. But hey, I’ve got to hand it to the girl, she’s on the right track.

Bleeding Passions

I bleed every time I write.

When I say bleed, I literally mean exhausting every ounce of energy in me. Whenever I’m in the zone, I can’t be bothered ‘lest I look at the nuisance with murderous eyes. Inspiration comes in bursts, and seizing those moments are critical in the writing process.

I am done with sitting on the computer all day long and drawing blanks. It simply does not work for me. What works though are solitary walks, being with nature, exercise, reading, music. Just taking a good time out from the ‘job’ of writing.

So don’t be surprised if some writers you know are pretty sensitive when it comes to their copy. Each end product that comes out of every endeavor is, after all, a summation of their energies, all poured into a piece of paper.

With years of doing this for a living, some writers such as myself, are now more open to suggestion and criticism. Growing up means being open to improving your craft. But there will always be the problem of getting inspiration. Finding inspiration is the constant struggle for every single project I accept, not the criticism, nor the deadline.

How I wish that by simply accepting money and automatically churning content were that easy. It’s much more complicated than that: I need to know if the copy is worth my time, if the owners are worth my energy or if their business goal and passions are meshed with how to improve a particular system.

Obviously, being your text-book systems builder, I like to improve things. And this translates to how I work as well. If the copy that I churn from my fingertips help a business or a friend in improving a particular system, culture, business, etc. then I go for it with all my might. Nothing done in halves. A project/vision/team/person should be worth my energy, my ideals, my passions. Otherwise, I turn it down.

A few weeks ago I’ve been distraught. I haven’t been able to create. There were days of crying spells. I couldn’t eat and sleep. I felt like I was loosing my mind.

Then, unexpectedly, a family concern came up. The timing of it all. I’ve just successfully inked a major project with a very important client, when personal concerns such as hospitalization comes up. Two nuclear bombs on opposite ends. How lovely.

But surprisingly, during those days in the hospital, I’ve been able to write excellently given the dire situation I was in.

I wrote in the cath lab, the patient’s room, brainstormed on the nurses station while blatantly questioning the nurses’ competence, the timing of the patient’s food, the ambulance MD who hit on every single female nurse (and had the death glare of his life when he tried to get chummy with me), the billing clerks at the hospital…every angst I had during that hospital stint, I took out on the hospital staff and put in my writing. I had laser-like focus.

The hospital distraction helped me construct, compose, create. I was argumentative, fiery and passionate: the best recipe for creating, for writing.

I still have to finalize and close the current project, but the momentum has now resurfaced. Sometimes, it takes a life hurdle to shake you senseless and tell you ‘Get a grip! You got this’.

I may have bled buckets the past few weeks but every drop was well worth it.

Have you gone through the same dry-spells? How did you get your groove back on track?