Tag Archives: Dating

An Epic Fail for Pub Crawl Event

Last Saturday evening, I was invited to this event called Pub Crawl.

A friend said it was an event where a group of people would rendezvous at a particular point and then hop from one pub to the next. Thinking that we would be pub hopping to new finds around Makati City, I agreed. Who wouldn’t want to know the newest pubs in the place where I live right? Also, knowing what a decent pub was, I figured there was a little bit of English elegance to it. Boy, was I wrong.

In my line of work, I meet a lot of people. Most, if not all, are business owners and/or are high caliber professionals in the industries I am involved in. I do not exaggerate. I attend so many events and are involved with so many groups, projects and companies, networking has become second nature to me.

Part of the success of my networking experience is that in every event, or group I get involved in, there has always been common ground. It’s either we have common friends, or is connected some way to my family, or we come from the same industry, or we’ve worked on a project together in the past — friends introduce me to their friends who they think could add value to each other’s professions and businesses. People adding value to one another.

There was nothing of value from the event I attended last Saturday night. In fact, I was so embarrassed to be around the group I refused to have my picture taken. It was that bad.

The profile of the group was young, their background – unknown. Obviously, it was not the crowd for someone who talks to so many high-caliber professionals on a day to day basis. I was so angry at myself for letting my friend talk me into it, I was seriously fuming on my way home. I have never been so humiliated and embarrassed in my life.

Upon arrival at Z Hostel (why Rommel and his team would cater to events such as this is beyond me), I immediately asked for the agenda: What pubs we were going to, etc. No one could provide me with concrete information. In fact, one of the organizers said it was a secret. A surprise.

My initial thought was: A secret? A surprise? As a paying customer, wouldn’t I want to know where I was being taken to? What if this was an organized attempt to profile and eventually kidnap their customers? (I’m exaggerating but you get the drift). As I looked around the room, I found a lot of sleazily dressed women with thick layers of make-up puffing on their cigarettes and drinking cheap beer. “What you are, you attract” couldn’t have been more true at this stage. From that point on, I knew I wasn’t going to enjoy the rest of the evening.

Second, they made us wear these awful, awful, awful yellow shirts. They didn’t even buy decent name tags to go with those shirts. To cut costs, one of the organizers wrote on my Php 500 brand new shirt with a marker. They should have written “desperate” on each of the participants forehead while they were at it! Just thinking about this particular incident makes me cringe.

The event had the feel of a school field trip except there was no principal or teacher. The event was immensely juvenile. To put it subtly, it was a hook-up joint. A twist to the usual networking-masked-as-speed-dating-events you hear about.

My gut was right from the start. I should have listened to it. But the good news was that, after my walk out, I gave my shirt to our houseboy in my building. It fit him like a glove.

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Ariana Grande: The New Face of the Young Feminist

I immensely enjoyed the feminist-charged open letter music star Ariana Grande made on social media. Apparently, the singer/actress has had it with the double standard women are still experiencing to this day.

arianna grande feminist rampage
Ariana Grande’s open letter on social media.

This standard, as she points out in her letter, is the significant disparity women are (knowingly or unknowingly) being thrown at today such as: sex, dating, relationships, and being valued as men’s property/conquest/trophy. She mentioned that she has so much better things to talk about other than who she’s seeing (or not seeing). At only 21, this young woman who is rising as one of the most watched out artists of her generation, is on the right track to empowering herself (and consequently, her young female fans as well). Brava Ariana!

For a woman who is much older than Ms. Grande, I’m glad that younger women today are beginning to sense that one-sidedness and becoming vocal about it. I applaud her for bringing her thoughts out into the open. However, young as she is, she has more to learn from her much experienced sisters. With that said, I would like to take the time to point out her seemingly contradicting letter vis-a-vis her current professional situation.

In an industry where sex sells, Ms. Grande will have to take a firm stand against the kind of lyrics that degrade women. In her recent hit ‘Love me Harder’, you would know immediately that this was a love song. However, there are ‘love songs’ and there are ‘love-making songs’:

“And if in the moment you bite your lip
When I get you moaning you know it’s real
Can you feel the pressure between your hips?
I’ll make it feel like the first time…”
– ‘Love me Harder’, Ariana Grande

From the lyrics above, the listener of the song immediately gets a mental picture of what the song is about. In my humblest opinion, if she were really adamant in battling this double standard, then her principles should reflect in her work as well. The young Ms. Grande should go beyond what normally ‘sells’ in her workplace.

In this day and age, there are still so many female singers who continue to make songs that sexually degrade both women and men. With young female artists like Grande who are now perceptive to that kindle of consciousness, they will be setting the tone for the kind of music young people will be listening to years ahead, which eventually translates to future culture.

I’ll try to cut her some slack on her lyrical choices for now. But hey, I’ve got to hand it to the girl, she’s on the right track.

Dating Tips from the Pros

I just came from a seminar earlier and wondered how appropriate my line of work was and how perfect it was to be used in practical things such as dating!

Yes, you read it right: dating.

Just recently, I was invited by two gentlemen for dinner. Both single and eligible bachelors.

Being unattached and with no real ‘responsibilities’, the invitations were a no-brainer for me. However, as my week progressed, both of them cancelled for one very understandable reason: work.

I just can’t help but laugh at the irony.

The irony here is that I have dated and have had so many relationships in the past that it would only be reasonable that I have men figured out by now and the dating scene as well. Boy, was I wrong!

From the Christian perspective, it just dawned on me that I am a complete noob when it comes to dating! How funny is that!

In the seminar, the person I was seated next to was a husband and father of two. While on the way home, I had the pleasure of talking to a single, 27 y/o male friend. For fun, I intereviewed them on the topic of dating.

(Take note: I get both the experience and wisdom of a Christian husband and father while at the same time, the input of a single guy on his own road to finding real love.)

This is the best interview I’ve ever had in my journalism career 😉

Miss Tolentino: What makes you want to date a woman?

Happily Married Guy: When you do ‘prospecting’ (a term in insurance we financial nuts use), I really need to know her background. When I first started dating my wife, I really had to meet her family. I wanted to see for myself what kind of a daughter and sister she was. If there was trouble at home, etc. I needed to know that. Her family life was important to me.

Miss Tolentino: How do you know if the guy is interested in you in the long term?

Happily Married Guy: You will know if the person is sincere when his intentions are clean. He wants to get to know you first. Which is why I needed to find out who she was at home. I needed to meet her folks. Also, the man should never resort to anything physical because that will mess things up. The same goes with the ladies.

Miss Tolentino: What if a guy who invited and planned your date cancelled it (for whatever reason)? Should I take him seriously next time?

Happily Single Guy: Give him the benefit of the doubt. He may be going through something personal. It’s highly unlikely that a man who invited the woman will cancel. The girl, yes. But the guy? I don’t think so. There must be a very good reason why. Don’t jump to any conclusions just yet.

Miss Tolentino: How do you handle break-ups?

Happily Single Guy: It’s easy to just call your friends, go to a club, have drinks and hit on girls. This time in my life it was going to be different. My ex-girlfriend told me that she never felt we were growing as a couple. So I deliberately attended self-development programs and activities. I attended toast masters, bible study, volunteered, etc. I wanted to be productive. I wanted to prove to her (and myself) that I was serious about ‘growing’. (But ofcourse, later did I know that her dumping me was not my fault at all. She was seeing other guys on the side.)

Miss Tolentino: That must have been a blow.

Happily Single Guy: I was supposed to propose to her on year 3 of our 4 year relationship. I prayed to God that if nothing goes wrong, I would propose. But it happened. I guess it was a blessing that it happened. Otherwise I would have to live with that kind of baggage. She cheated on me twice. You are who you are. The problem was never with me all along, although that’s what she made me feel most of the time.

Miss Tolentino: What is going on with her now?

Happily Single Guy: She’s still the same person, unfortunately. “You are who you are”. When we get the chance to talk, I don’t ask about personal things (who she’s seeing, etc.). It’s none of my business, the same thing she has no business in mine.

Miss Tolentino: How are you now?

Happily Single Guy: I have forgiven her. I don’t know why forgiveness was so easy, but it was.

Miss Tolentino: Do you like anyone at the moment?

Happily Single Guy: As a matter of fact, I do. But I am carefully taking my time on this one. I’ve asked her the hard questions (her faith, etc.) and so far, she’s doing okay in that area. However, she’s a bit of a fan girl. She has so many friends on social networks, its crazy. She flirts and messages celebrities through her twitter account. But I’m taking it in stride. It could be a phase, I don’t know. Which is why
I haven’t asked her out yet. I’m still enjoying our friendship. If the time comes that I ask anybody out, could be her or not, that will be the defining moment.

Miss Tolentino: What qualities are you looking for in a woman?

Happily Single Guy: She has to be her own person. Her own woman. She is complete and happy on her own. Getting a good-looking and financially secure partner is just a bonus. The only thing she will be looking for in a potential partner is loyalty, that’s it.

The Men I Look Up To

There are some men we meet on the street not knowing they have extra ordinary stories to tell and lives to show. These men are people I find to be:

  1. Morally and spiritually upright
  2. Intrinsically kind and compassionate to others
  3. Have humble hearts
  4. Have the greatest respect for the sanctity of marriage and family
  5. Full of wisdom** and possess common sense

**note that instead of putting intelligent, I wrote wise. There is a big difference between the two but I will write about that in a later post. Moving on…

Personally, it is very rare for me to admire and look up to a man. Very rare.

If ever I do, the men that I do look up to have one thing in common: they are morally upright.

Their lives are great testimonies of such convictions.

A part of me yearns to be ‘just like them’.

They say that strong women look up to stronger women. However, it can also be that men can inspire a great deal in women to be better and stronger as well.  This is why men are called to be leaders of the family. Not in a domineering way as most Neanderthals conceive it to be, but moral leaders that women can admire and mimic.

A friend of mine and I were talking about the topic of efficient dating (also in another post). She mentioned that she would never date a man she didn’t look up to. I asked her, in what standard?

She mentioned strength of character. I made a quick assessment of myself: Do I have that kind of character to be worthy of such a person? Of such a man?

The simple answer was: I am still a work in progress. As a woman, I still have to develop my own character strengths to be worthy of him.

The best source for character development? The Holy Bible is a good place to start.

Amazing as it sounds but there is truth that everything else follows when a person is guided by scripture and prayer.

Never let a potential date convince you otherwise.

Thank you to our partners:
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