Tag Archives: Marriage

Draining You Dry

I don’t have the tenacity for argument. I just walk away. Not because I can’t fight back, but because I easily get drained from arguing.

Once I give my piece, that’s that. Take it or leave it. No need for arguments or negotiations.

When me and my girl friends compare notes, it’s amazing that they can keep up with their arguments with their significant others.

For me: I literally get physically exhausted.

I was once in a relationship where arguments were a common thing. Though I loved his quick mind, humor, intense passion and intelligence, I felt that every time we argued I loved him less and less. I felt like we were in competition. It drained me. Our arguments became a power struggle of who would have the last say on things (talk about intense passion).

Clearly, I wasn’t the person for him and him for me.

But I am thankful, immensely thankful for having met such a person. As corny as it sounds, he changed my life.

He constantly challenged, grinded and prodded me to be better. He never once doubted my abilities. You’ll never get a better boyfriend than that. But our time was up. People come into our lives for a reason, and judging by what happened, his purpose in my life was already fulfilled. It was time to let go.

It’s funny how things turn out: I remember the individuals who pushed me the hardest. Despite the dysfunctional dynamic of it all, it is people like him who leave the most lasting impression.

What would make me submit to a man again, I will never know. I haven’t fully figured out that department yet. But what I did learn though is that commitments are a labor of love and personally, I don’t think I am ready to give all these up for another person just yet.

Despite the unfortunate ending to my love story, I have learned to roll with the punches. No more expectations, no more draining arguments, no more guilt trips, no more shouting matches, no more competition. Now, it’s just me being me.

And after such a long time, I am at peace.

The Complications of Cheating

A friend of mine divulged an affair to me and I told her point blank to let the person go. I told her your partner deserves better treatment. If you have a little bit of self respect left, let them go and let them find happiness with another person who can make their happiness whole. Obviously, you don’t love the person if you can do the things you did.

I have always believed that to make any relationship work, trust is essential, if not, the ONLY factor to successful relationships.

With all my past relationships, I can truly say that I have not cheated on any of my boyfriends. Ever. I can look them straight in the eye and tell them that I was faithful while we were still together and I expect the same kind of loyalty.

However, if I discover and prove that I can no longer trust this person, then its time to move on. I will not waste my time. That is how I approach people and my relationships as a whole, always no nonsense.

I am a woman with very precious time and I have no plans of wasting it on senseless drama. I simply will not put up with it.

I don’t cheat, period. No matter what excuse or work around’s most people say about it: cheating is unacceptable.

Cheating are mind games. Do you want to be in a relationship where mind games weigh heavy on both your shoulders?

If a person is in a co-dependent relationship, he or she will accept anything the partner does regardless if it is right or wrong (even putting up with affairs, etc.) because they don’t think they will find any other person to love/adore/shower with affection as the person they are with. They are okay with settling with what they have. And this is where psychological manipulation comes knocking.

Either the cheater or the cheated on uses psychological manipulation (GUILT) to use against the person they are supposedly ‘in-love’ with.

Both parties will sooner or later get a corrupted idea of love: that love is dependency, abuse, and that love is a tool used to manipulate to get what one wants from the other person. The concept of love gets tainted with lies, mistrust, guilt, etc. This is not what love is.

Love, guilt and manipulation can’t live in the same house.

In my simple, pragmatic mind: Love is good, clean and pure. Why tarnish it? Why settle for such relationships? Don’t you think you deserve better treatment? Don’t you think you deserve the best kind of love than what your partner is offering and the best kind of love that you can give, as well?

I will never understand people who cheat or why some put up with it.

I am a simple person with a practical approach to things: Why make your life complicated?

We are in this world to live the best kind of life.

To genuinely love and be loved in return.