Tag Archives: Mental health

Violent Rain Couds

It comes in waves. It hits like lethargic nonsense.

You feel out of focus. There is no drive and purpose. You have difficulty in concentrating. You are just sapped of energy. You begin to doubt yourself.

Getting out of bed is difficult. It overshadows everything good: a good family, a steady professional life, good health, good city, good life, good weather. You should be fucking grateful!

But alas, the sun doesn’t shine here, not this time.

Nothing tastes, smells, or feels right and you are unable to think or make decisions–yet you still have to carry on doing all those things. And so much of the time you just don’t have the energy or the desire. But you still carry on anyway.

Then you refuse to answer phone calls. You refuse to answer emails and messages. You just want time out. Away from everything and away from people. There is this loss of desire to partake in life.

You’ve fixed the bed for the nth time and now your attention is on the sink. Hoping someone would cook and let you wash the dishes just so to keep your hands busy. You hate looking at your shaking hands. Since all you do is watch walls, mindless repetitive work sounds good right now.

You can’t eat. You barely sleep. You can’t really put into words what’s bothering you because you don’t have the slightest clue what it is to begin with.

Worst is, people watch you when you eat, saying you’ve lost so much weight. In your head, you tell them to mind their own goddamn business.

It’s all in your head you tell yourself. Get out of this funk you tell yourself. But all you feel is this deep melancholy. Maybe you just need a change of scenery? The beach or a trail hike will do you good. A swim, a little bit of writing? Perhaps.

Being down this road before, you know that somehow you’ll get passed this. Take your time, there’s no rush love.

Smiling maybe painful right now but I have long embraced my violent rain clouds.

I have long embraced my violent rain clouds
I have long embraced my violent rain clouds

MissTolentino supports the HeforShe Movement

I was so moved with Emma Watson’s speech. I agree with her on so many points and I would like to share the full transcript of her speech with each and everyone of you.

I have also disliked the term “feminist” as it denoted an anger against men. I highly value men and boys, but society (and distorted views on gender differences) dictate that feminism should be on an aggressive and hating stance. It need not be. It’s time to break free from this stigma.

We don’t often talk about men being imprisoned by gender stereotypes, but I can see that they are, and that when they are free, things will change for women as a natural consequence…

I want men to take up this mantle so that their daughters, sisters, and mothers can be free from prejudice, but also so that their sons have permission to be vulnerable and human too, reclaim those parts of themselves they abandoned, and in doing so, be a more true and complete version of themselves. 

Attention Woman! Men are also our partners in achieving this freedom.

Brava Miss Watson!
***

Today we are launching a campaign called for HeForShe. I am reaching out to you because we need your help. We want to end gender inequality, and to do this, we need everyone involved. This is the first campaign of its kind at the UN. We want to try to mobilize as many men and boys as possible to be advocates for change. And, we don’t just want to talk about it. We want to try and make sure that it’s tangible.

I was appointed as Goodwill Ambassador for UN Women six months ago. And, the more I spoke about feminism, the more I realized that fighting for women’s rights has too often become synonymous with man-hating. If there is one thing I know for certain, it is that this has to stop.

For the record, feminism by definition is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. It is the theory of political, economic and social equality of the sexes.

I started questioning gender-based assumptions a long time ago. When I was 8, I was confused for being called bossy because I wanted to direct the plays that we would put on for our parents, but the boys were not. When at 14, I started to be sexualized by certain elements of the media. When at 15, my girlfriends started dropping out of sports teams because they didn’t want to appear muscly. When at 18, my male friends were unable to express their feelings.

I decided that I was a feminist, and this seemed uncomplicated to me. But my recent research has shown me that feminism has become an unpopular word. Women are choosing not to identify as feminists. Apparently, I’m among the ranks of women whose expressions are seen as too strong, too aggressive, isolating, and anti-men. Unattractive, even.

Why has the word become such an uncomfortable one? I am from Britain, and I think it is right I am paid the same as my male counterparts. I think it is right that I should be able to make decisions about my own body. I think it is right that women be involved on my behalf in the policies and decisions that will affect my life. I think it is right that socially, I am afforded the same respect as men.

But sadly, I can say that there is no one country in the world where all women can expect to see these rights. No country in the world can yet say that they achieved gender equality. These rights, I consider to be human rights, but I am one of the lucky ones.

My life is a sheer privilege because my parents didn’t love me less because I was born a daughter. My school did not limit me because I was a girl. My mentors didn’t assume that I would go less far because I might give birth to a child one day. These influences were the gender equality ambassadors that made me who I am today. They may not know it, but they are the inadvertent feminists that are changing the world today. We need more of those.

And if you still hate the word, it is not the word that is important. It’s the idea and the ambition behind it, because not all women have received the same rights I have. In fact, statistically, very few have.

In 1997, Hillary Clinton made a famous speech in Beijing about women’s rights. Sadly, many of the things that she wanted to change are still true today. But what stood out for me the most was that less than thirty percent of the audience were male. How can we effect change in the world when only half of it is invited or feel welcome to participate in the conversation?

Men, I would like to take this opportunity to extend your formal invitation. Gender equality is your issue, too. Because to date, I’ve seen my father’s role as a parent being valued less by society, despite my need of his presence as a child, as much as my mother’s. I’ve seen young men suffering from mental illness, unable to ask for help for fear it would make them less of a man. In fact, in the UK, suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 to 49, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease. I’ve seen men made fragile and insecure by a distorted sense of what constitutes male success. Men don’t have the benefits of equality, either.

We don’t often talk about men being imprisoned by gender stereotypes, but I can see that they are, and that when they are free, things will change for women as a natural consequence. If men don’t have to be aggressive in order to be accepted, women won’t feel compelled to be submissive. If men don’t have to control, women won’t have to be controlled.

Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong. It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum, instead of two sets of opposing ideals. If we stop defining each other by what we are not, and start defining ourselves by who we are, we can all be freer, and this is what HeForShe is about. It’s about freedom.

I want men to take up this mantle so that their daughters, sisters, and mothers can be free from prejudice, but also so that their sons have permission to be vulnerable and human too, reclaim those parts of themselves they abandoned, and in doing so, be a more true and complete version of themselves.

You might be thinking, “Who is this Harry Potter girl, and what is she doing speaking at the UN?” And, it’s a really good question. I’ve been asking myself the same thing.

All I know is that I care about this problem, and I want to make it better. And, having seen what I’ve seen, and given the chance, I feel it is my responsibility to say something.

Statesman Edmund Burke said, “All that is needed for the forces of evil to triumph is for good men and women to do nothing.”

In my nervousness for this speech and in my moments of doubt, I told myself firmly, “If not me, who? If not now, when?” If you have similar doubts when opportunities are presented to you, I hope those words will be helpful. Because the reality is that if we do nothing, it will take seventy-five years, or for me to be nearly 100, before women expect to be paid the same as men for the same work. 15.5 million girls will be married in the next 16 years as children. And at current rates, it won’t be until 2086 before all rural African girls can have a secondary education.

If you believe in equality, you might be one of those inadvertent feminists that I spoke of earlier, and for this, I applaud you. We are struggling for a uniting word, but the good news is, we have a uniting movement. It is called HeForShe. I invite you to step forward, to be seen and to ask yourself, “If not me, who? If not now, when?”

Thank you very, very much.

To Progress or Regress: The Choice is Yours

Some people may say I am alpha female. Probably I am, in some aspects.

I think I am alpha female when it comes to work. I like to keep busy. I like to earn my own keep. I am focused and want what’s best from this life. I don’t sit idly by letting money fall on my hands. I am not wired to sleep all day, asking for dole outs from my parents or family members. That is not me. I have too much energy to focus on watching TV or playing video games all day long. I don’t let things happen to me. I make things happen!

And honestly, I just don’t understand people who do the opposite.

In this life, its either you progress or regress. And this has got absolutely nothing to do with being Alpha. As human beings, we are intrinsically wired for progress.

I am nearing my 30’s and so far, I am looking at what I’ve personally achieved so far. I’ve noticed that some people have no sense of urgency. They think money grows on trees and that family will always be there to support them. Newsflash: No they won’t!

What is happening to this generation? Are we that spoiled rotten? Why is there a sense of entitlement? Isn’t this supposed to be the healthiest and smartest generation? Then why all the professional couch surfing? Able-bodied, intelligent but lacking in work? Listen, talent is over rated. We need results. Where are you now in your life? What have you contributed to this world?

I have also heard the “This is my life. I will do whatever I want with it” excuse a dozen times. Fact: Relationships are interconnected. If you think that what you do (or don’t do) has any effect, it does. Sooner or later, your laziness/self-entitlement behaviour/pride/etc. will catch up and your family will bear the brunt of your life’s choices.

It pains me to see so much human potential go to waste. It’s like watching someone die slowly. It doesn’t matter if you’re a brilliant artist, designer, programmer, etc. My question is: Are you putting your skills to good use? Will you leave this world (or your family) any better after your gone? Think about that for a second.

I greatly admire people,even those who didn’t finish school, that are trying their best to make a decent living. That’s the kind of crowd I want to associate with. They want to succeed. They want progress. They want out.

I just hope I am reaching the people who want the same things in this life: love, financial freedom and independence.

The hand of the diligent will rule, while the slothful will be put to forced labor. – Proverbs 12:24

The Complications of Cheating

A friend of mine divulged an affair to me and I told her point blank to let the person go. I told her your partner deserves better treatment. If you have a little bit of self respect left, let them go and let them find happiness with another person who can make their happiness whole. Obviously, you don’t love the person if you can do the things you did.

I have always believed that to make any relationship work, trust is essential, if not, the ONLY factor to successful relationships.

With all my past relationships, I can truly say that I have not cheated on any of my boyfriends. Ever. I can look them straight in the eye and tell them that I was faithful while we were still together and I expect the same kind of loyalty.

However, if I discover and prove that I can no longer trust this person, then its time to move on. I will not waste my time. That is how I approach people and my relationships as a whole, always no nonsense.

I am a woman with very precious time and I have no plans of wasting it on senseless drama. I simply will not put up with it.

I don’t cheat, period. No matter what excuse or work around’s most people say about it: cheating is unacceptable.

Cheating are mind games. Do you want to be in a relationship where mind games weigh heavy on both your shoulders?

If a person is in a co-dependent relationship, he or she will accept anything the partner does regardless if it is right or wrong (even putting up with affairs, etc.) because they don’t think they will find any other person to love/adore/shower with affection as the person they are with. They are okay with settling with what they have. And this is where psychological manipulation comes knocking.

Either the cheater or the cheated on uses psychological manipulation (GUILT) to use against the person they are supposedly ‘in-love’ with.

Both parties will sooner or later get a corrupted idea of love: that love is dependency, abuse, and that love is a tool used to manipulate to get what one wants from the other person. The concept of love gets tainted with lies, mistrust, guilt, etc. This is not what love is.

Love, guilt and manipulation can’t live in the same house.

In my simple, pragmatic mind: Love is good, clean and pure. Why tarnish it? Why settle for such relationships? Don’t you think you deserve better treatment? Don’t you think you deserve the best kind of love than what your partner is offering and the best kind of love that you can give, as well?

I will never understand people who cheat or why some put up with it.

I am a simple person with a practical approach to things: Why make your life complicated?

We are in this world to live the best kind of life.

To genuinely love and be loved in return.