Tag Archives: Relationships

Personal and Professional: The Big Difference

For me, there are fat months and there are lean months.

Obviously, for the fat months I make sure resources are utilized well: saving, investing, and sharing.

What do I do with the lean months? I stay at home and take the role of a hermit.

Paula the Hermit, now that’s a sight.

Kidding aside, I have always been a staunch believer in putting my money where my mouth is.

Truth: Money comes and goes. For me, money has always been a tool, a resource, if you must. There is also truth that money puts food on the table, pays the bills, etc. But as much as possible, I don’t let these things get to my head or it will consume me.

If I can’t afford it, or if there is inner turmoil from my end, I don’t pursue a money-making endeavor anymore.

I believe I am quite generous with my time and resources. I try to share them as much as I can, sometimes even at a loosing end. There also comes a time that my generosity results in a deficit by the end of month. But I don’t regret my actions as long as they foster positive relationships as a whole.

I invest not only in monetary vehicles but in people as well. My biggest asset? My relationships. I make sure that my relationships (professional or otherwise) are all well taken care of, after all, they are the very people who bring me opportunities.

So sometimes, it just burns me when a good client or potential prospect deems me unreliable or unprofessional. I really take it to heart. If I can’t deliver, I might as well end the professional relationship there.

I can be very hard on myself sometimes, especially if I get a disappointing email from a valued client/colleague.

I make it a point to walk my talk. However, especially for the recent weeks, there were circumstances that were beyond my control. Currently, I am working on four separate accounts, all in four different industries!  One of them holds the biggest part of my income. But nonetheless, I try to be fair to everybody, giving them my time, resources and talents. But sometimes things don’t work out, even if I work till the wee hours of the morning, things will not always go according to plan.

More than the fear of loosing potential income, I am also scared of loosing the confidence and trust people have in me. My name is one of the things I highly value in this business. Aside from my relationships, my professional reputation is one of my biggest assets.

So what’s the difference between professional and personal affairs? For me, there is none.

Draining You Dry

I don’t have the tenacity for argument. I just walk away. Not because I can’t fight back, but because I easily get drained from arguing.

Once I give my piece, that’s that. Take it or leave it. No need for arguments or negotiations.

When me and my girl friends compare notes, it’s amazing that they can keep up with their arguments with their significant others.

For me: I literally get physically exhausted.

I was once in a relationship where arguments were a common thing. Though I loved his quick mind, humor, intense passion and intelligence, I felt that every time we argued I loved him less and less. I felt like we were in competition. It drained me. Our arguments became a power struggle of who would have the last say on things (talk about intense passion).

Clearly, I wasn’t the person for him and him for me.

But I am thankful, immensely thankful for having met such a person. As corny as it sounds, he changed my life.

He constantly challenged, grinded and prodded me to be better. He never once doubted my abilities. You’ll never get a better boyfriend than that. But our time was up. People come into our lives for a reason, and judging by what happened, his purpose in my life was already fulfilled. It was time to let go.

It’s funny how things turn out: I remember the individuals who pushed me the hardest. Despite the dysfunctional dynamic of it all, it is people like him who leave the most lasting impression.

What would make me submit to a man again, I will never know. I haven’t fully figured out that department yet. But what I did learn though is that commitments are a labor of love and personally, I don’t think I am ready to give all these up for another person just yet.

Despite the unfortunate ending to my love story, I have learned to roll with the punches. No more expectations, no more draining arguments, no more guilt trips, no more shouting matches, no more competition. Now, it’s just me being me.

And after such a long time, I am at peace.

Strength in Weakness

The past few weeks have been a constant struggle for me.

My faith is continuously put to the test. My endurance and tenacity are both wearing thin. I have been loosing sleep and though I would want to keep a positive outlook on things, at times, I can’t help but ask why me?

I am trying the best I can. My heart is filled with anger, so much anger right now. I feel it consuming me again.

I am just glad that I am surrounded by my accountability partners to keep me guided, focused and directed. Their patience and love for me, I don’t know where they get it but I am thankful for them. They help keep my path straight.

It’s funny how things work out. When things get rough, there will always be someone either calling me, taking me out to dinner, letting me spend the night or have someone deliver a special package to my building (you all know who you are). They just pop out of the blue. It’s like they know for some reason, it’s incredible. I don’t know, probably God is there to tell me to hang on a bit, and I do.

In your weakest, that’s when He’s doing His greatest work.

I pray that He give me the strength and courage to soldier on. Help me run the race, Lord. I need you now more than ever.

Smile and Carry On

Don’t you just hate to be around negative people?

Negativity can be in the forms of:

  1. Anger
  2. Bitterness
  3. Cynicism
  4. Envy
  5. Hate
  6. Sarcasm
  7. Self-pity and always-the-victim attitude
  8. Inability to accept and apologize for their mistakes
  9. Pride
  10. Suspiciousness

These traits are all encapsulated in the word negativity. Negativity takes a toll on a person and their relationships. A person with such a perspective will drag you down sooner or later, it’s only a matter of time.

I am intrinsically attracted to people who are light, easy to get along with and are not prone to arguments or quarrels. Who would want to share a meal with someone who always wanted to start an argument with you, seriously? Not me, that’s for sure.

I just want to savor my dinner, enjoy the company and be on my way.

So, will you so kindly please pass the salt, hold the bitterness and leave your baggage at the door. Thank you very much!

Admit it, it’s so draining to be around such types. Bad vibes they call it.

Of course life is full of challenges, no argument there. However, how we take on those challenges is what truly defines us.

If you take on a problem with complaints or exhibit bitterness, anger and all that dreary-stuff, then I can’t sugar coat it any other way: you are YOUR complaints.

My personal barometer for checking if the person is negative or not is through sheer observation:

  • Is the person prone to criticizing instead of encouraging?
  • Is the person a habitual complainer (about their life, job, children, family, even the smallest of things)?
  • Is the person always wallowing in self-pity, the everyone-is-against-me type?
  • Is the person prone to envy, jealousy and I-should-haves-or-wants?
  • Is the person still bitter about mistakes, experiences, etc. that are history and constantly brings it up?

Also a favorite of mine:

  • Is the person unable to give praise and gracefully accept it when given?

Always remember: You are the average of the five people you surround yourself with. So, choose your company well.

On a positive note, I commend those individuals who, despite their trials in life still manage to uplift and encourage other people. They always show a friendly smile, are goal getters and action-oriented. They are neither rattled nor shaken by life, but instead tackle it head on. They manage to bring out the best in others even if they themselves are having a rough day.

Bravo!

You greatly inspire me and I hope I can match the stamina, vibrancy and love for life that you so clearly show. I am thankful everyday that you are not an extinct breed.

This post is for you. May you continue to light the way and be an encouragement to others who are also swimming against the tides of negativity.

Light. Love. Life.

The Men I Look Up To

There are some men we meet on the street not knowing they have extra ordinary stories to tell and lives to show. These men are people I find to be:

  1. Morally and spiritually upright
  2. Intrinsically kind and compassionate to others
  3. Have humble hearts
  4. Have the greatest respect for the sanctity of marriage and family
  5. Full of wisdom** and possess common sense

**note that instead of putting intelligent, I wrote wise. There is a big difference between the two but I will write about that in a later post. Moving on…

Personally, it is very rare for me to admire and look up to a man. Very rare.

If ever I do, the men that I do look up to have one thing in common: they are morally upright.

Their lives are great testimonies of such convictions.

A part of me yearns to be ‘just like them’.

They say that strong women look up to stronger women. However, it can also be that men can inspire a great deal in women to be better and stronger as well.  This is why men are called to be leaders of the family. Not in a domineering way as most Neanderthals conceive it to be, but moral leaders that women can admire and mimic.

A friend of mine and I were talking about the topic of efficient dating (also in another post). She mentioned that she would never date a man she didn’t look up to. I asked her, in what standard?

She mentioned strength of character. I made a quick assessment of myself: Do I have that kind of character to be worthy of such a person? Of such a man?

The simple answer was: I am still a work in progress. As a woman, I still have to develop my own character strengths to be worthy of him.

The best source for character development? The Holy Bible is a good place to start.

Amazing as it sounds but there is truth that everything else follows when a person is guided by scripture and prayer.

Never let a potential date convince you otherwise.

Thank you to our partners:
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